FUCK!

Why the fuck is there no peace? Why can't I just wake up every day and enjoy my life? Why do I rely on others?
I'm tired of being tortured! I can't live with or without other people.
Seriously... something has to give. This shouldn't be this difficult.

Uprediction

I'll not reserve the space to fail. But I will not forget what I wrote... "For now I wait and enjoy what I have because I am certainly insane."

Shooting at Stars

emotions whirl and my brain wheezes for sanity. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I feel the urge to run? To be free. I don't see happiness out there either. Nothing on the other side of the fence. The grass isn't greener, it's just a bigger place to play where I know the world is far more harsh than it is in here. So what is the answer? How do I satiate my contempt?

God and the Universe: I’m screaming at you to help me through this.

Why is it so hard to breathe? Is there something wrong that I’m not seeing? That would be an easy answer huh?

I’m going to open my eyes and look hard at my situation. Maybe my instincts are screaming at me to see but I refuse to look…. What if I find something? Oh god, the other side of the fence suddenly looks like an abyss.

Filth Infatuated

Took a trip to Richmond last week to try for a position with the NHRA. Probably not such a good idea. I don't feel I did a good job with that.
Last night I told hubby that I wasn't happy. And I feel like an asshole because he's trying so hard to make me happy. I'm not happy about anything honestly. Not just him but everything in general. He asked if I had found someone who I am interested in more than him. And the answer is no. I haven't found anyone like that, if I had it would make things less complicated in a sense. I would have a reason why I'm not happy. I'm just seriously not happy and it really is scary. I am scared to delve deeper in my unhappiness and find the reasons why. Because if I find the reasons and I start eliminating them, then I'll end up with nothing. And that won't make me happy either. Damn this chemically imbalanced brain. Damn the prozac that glosses over the problems to where they compound to skyscraper problems. Damn the need for something more.

compelling

yes, compelling. I logged in today longing to write something compelling. It's a word in my head that makes me think of something that I'm drawn to do. But it actually means forced. Is the Universe forcing me to write? Maybe. Yesterday I read a few articles on suicide. I was compelled to do that. My search lead me to a website by a man called the jellyfish man. He claims to have died and gone to heaven and hell and come back to tell us about it. I read his story hoping to find some hope.... some life changing message. I didn't find it.
I read about how some people tried to commit suicide and as they committed the act they snapped out of their dark way of thinking and emerged (upon survival) as a new person. I'd rather not have to take that "leap" to emerge as a new person.
I know the only reason why I don't do it now is because I don't want my husband to find me. He's such a fragile person. He wouldn't be able to ever recover. If I were to die I would want him to recover and move on. Yes, he's lazy but he's a good person. I do know that is true.
Yesterday I remembered a few years ago I resolved to live my life like there is no tomorrow. To enjoy every moment. And it allowed me to think outside the norm and take steps to do things I wouldn't have normally done because I was so afraid of failing. Now, I find my exotic life a normal routine. I sometimes wish I could return back to the little box I lived in. In some ways I find it suffocating and some ways I find it safe. But in all ways I find myself in the same state of mind... life is still not good enough. When will it ever be? I will continually have to fight for my sanity. Continually have to fight depression and anxiety. It exhausts me.
I'm still running from those things. I hide from them by emerging myself in work. I am just now getting over a sinus infection I had for two weeks. It overtook me while I was taking a vacation from my Admin job. I was taking time off so I could get other stuff done. But I ended up so sick I could barely walk without exhausting myself. After two weeks I went to the Dr. and they gave me 10 days worth of anti-biotics and they told me I had a heart murmur because I had the infection for so long. I've been on the anti-biotics for a week and I am still not completely better. I hate that my body failed me. It should be able to keep up with my mind. I wish it would.
I'm still in search of my happiness. I lost my touch with the Universe. I had it for a little while and it was good too me. My chaotic brain doesn't help me stay focused. It's a battle every day to keep above the dark murk that I tread.

I wonder how much I'm going to fuck up my life living on the edge like this? And I wonder when the turning point will be that gives me the courage to end it all.

zzyzx

So much stuff has happened since I last wrote.
I actually emceed at an event with all these exotic cars and it was fun!
I bought my friends STI!
I'm worried sick about my business. I feel like I can't get all the paperwork right and I'm going to get in trouble with the government.
I have an appointment with an accountant next week. I hope to settle all that then. I'll figure out if it's going to cost me too much money to run the damn thing or not. I'm not making any money off of it.
I'm just tired of all this hassle. I want sleep and I want to relax. I want to live and I'm tired of working. bleh.

Shut the fuck up and die

I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. I had a great weekend, the road trip, the friends, the track…everything was great. I started to feel down as we returned. The closer I got to home the worse I felt and I don’t know why. There’s nothing I’d rather be doing so it’s not like I’m miserable at home. I’m not longing for anything else, it’s just I’m so unhappy. Last night I was thinking of writing out a will and whom I would give my stuff to. I’d give all my business over to Ashley, including my new computer. She hasn’t worked for me for long but she really gets it. And that’s as far as I got before I fell asleep. What the hell is wrong with me and why can’t I find the happiness that should be right in front of me? I want to be happy, there’s nothing more that I want in the world. I’d like to say that maybe I’m exhausted from the weekend so that’s the reason. But I don’t even care about sleeping. Is this normal?
---------------------------
I’ll just recap the weekend and my current situation before I forget.
I spent Friday morning moving all my stuff from one cubicle to another because they are rebuilding the offices to accommodate more people. I can tell you that this move isn’t going to go well. They’re planning on putting me in with the two other Administrative Assistants. There’s nothing worse than that thought at this point.
I finally got to work on my new computer some on Friday night and I’m having problems installing software. I had to quit after awhile because I realized I was spending the whole evening on the computer instead of spending time w/ hubby. I wanted to spend some time with him before I went away for the weekend. Woke up really early on Saturday morning and Scott, Ashley and I all piled in Scott’s STI for the 5 hour trip south. Scott had worked the before so he slept in the back, I drove and Ashley talked the whole way down. Everyone was happy to see us and the weather was really nice. The trophy ceremony went well and afterwards we went back to the hotel and chilled, went to dinner and then went to bed. Me and Ashley in one bed and Scott in the other. We all woke up around 3:30 a.m. when Scott had to call his boss to report the nightly numbers and we stayed up for a little while before we all dropped off to sleep again. Woke up around 9:30 and after getting ready, headed back to the track to say goodbye. We arrived just in time for touring laps so I had Scott take his car out on the track. He was bored silly and only went around 3 times before he gave in. After our goodbyes we drove home, this time Scott driving. I didn’t like sitting in the back. I’d much rather be driving than doing anything else. But at least I got to drive the last two hours because Scott’s back had started hurting. That was fun.Today is a total nightmare. Not only am I severely depressed and having anxiety issues, I’m having to deal with this relocation. The people behind my new area are so loud I can’t think. I hate that my back is to everyone and that anyone can look over my shoulder to see what I’m doing. Because of that my nerves are strung out because people are passing behind me constantly. This isn’t going to get any better. This is a two-phase move. My next move will be in with the other Admins. They both get on my nerves. Can’t these people behind me SHUT THE FUCK UP!

buuurp

well um... this weekend was a disaster. I think someone put something in my drink... or champagne and tequila don't mix.. either way... I ended up in my god-damned suitcase again. I fuckin hate myself for getting into that situation. That was on top of a strange text I got from a guy that I don't even know. It was from a dude that I turned in to the manager for trying to sell me pills. He was angry at me and I made sure to tell him he can take it up with Casey if he had a problem. The conversation ended with him telling me to be careful. I hate it when junkie gangsters try to tell me to be careful. That isn't a warm wish ya know? Well I kinda freaked out about that so I had hubby drive me to work and back. Good thing...since I was drugged. I wonder if the bouncer who ratted me out to that "jungster" had anything to do with it? I noticed he was extra sketchy on Saturday night when I told one of the other bouncers what had happened to me. Dude got up and walked away from his post while I explained that I didn't drink that much and I thought I had been drugged. I also saw him eyeing where I put my drink on Saturday too. When I saw that he was watching me, I didn't drink from that one anymore. I was too sick to my stomach and sick of myself to drink alcohol on Saturday anyway. I can't believe I've let myself get so out of control. I'm such a control freak. I think it's cause I feel safe there. How weird is that?
Well, I'm back on the prozac full time and all my emotions and thoughts are muted. Yeah, I'm working a lot but it doesn't really bother me. Yeah I wish I didn't have to but it doesn't piss me off. Yes. I'd much rather have my man take care of me so I could pursue my modeling business, but there's not much I can do about that. He's not motivated to move up so I'll be clawing my way to my goals as usual. Not like it's a new thing anyway.
I have been feeling a lot better about myself. He really figured it out that I want him to think I'm beautiful and tell me so. I love that look in his eyes when he gives me compliments. It's a very big turn around for him and I like it.
So I've gone from depressed and crying all the time to good and tired all the time. I'm sure it'll get better, it has to.
Yay me.

The needle tears a hole

I've called in sick two days in a row and done nothing but sleep. I feel like I could sleep right now. I'm so fucking depressed it's all I can do.

Casey sent me a text last night explaining that he can't find any girls and asked me to come in today. I thought.. fuck it. why not? I can stand to make a few extra bucks.

I had to tell husband again last night that nothing has changed. In fact I feel worse than before. Because now that I'm back to my previous schedule I'm resentful for having to work so damn much. Can't stop now, can't give up on the goal. It's my life. Can I get a little financial support? Can I get a pat on the back? "Hey baby, you're doing great!"
Really, how much is too much to ask?

I'm going to sit down and figure out my finances again and see if I can project when I can quit one job. I also have to do a lot of thinking of where I will be within the next six months. It may not be in this house.

I'm wondering if The Law of Attraction has brought me to this. I've been projecting and thinking and setting my goals towards my perfect world and now I realize it may not be acheived in my current situation. So changes are coming. Maybe I can ask the Universe for a less painful change process?

The Nice

Ok time for another entry.
I took my Prozac on Monday and I’m feebly getting back on my feet. If I could have one wish granted right now it would to be manic all the time. What a great high that is. Ehhh or not.

I’m torn and scattered right now. I hope this time off from the club will help with that. But I don’t see how. I feel anxious about the time off. Hopefully that will change. I’ve got lots to do at home. Cleaning and cleaning and more cleaning. It’s so cluttered and dirty, I just want to throw everything out…. And I just may. Or I could just sell it all on Ebay. If there are buyers who want used stripper shoes.

New Year’s Eve was un-eventful. Hubby was aloud to come into the club just like last year. But this year he and Jim came in around 10 and hung out all night long. I was able to drink a bit more than usual since I had a ride home so the night is kinda blurry. I hope that in one of those blank spots he told me that I looked incredible because I really needed to hear that from him… But somehow I doubt he said it. Because of all the people that see me it is his opinion that matters most… and he is the most critical. Pointing out the flaws without telling me the good things.
Christmas was uneventful too. We decided to stay home except going out and finding a restaurant for dinner. We ended up eating at a Chinese restaurant. Jim went to his family’s house in West Virginia. Hubby and I exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve. He gave me a diamond and emerald necklace and I gave him an Ipod. His gift to me would have been really cool if he hadn’t called me the day before asking if I got him anything, cause he didn’t want to get a gift without having one to give back. So the meaning just wasn’t there and he knows I don’t like lab created emeralds. Anyhow, I had told him a few times that I wanted a vacation for Christmas. Didn’t care where, just a little him and me time away for a weekend would be really nice. After Christmas he started asking me where to go and then worrying about the cost and the distance and the time. I told him to just forget it. It seemed like such a big hassle for him, I just didn’t want to hear it anymore.
I hope my disappointment in him is just a side effect of the depression. I just feel his efforts are half assed and I wonder if he’s just going through the motions because he has to. Having these thoughts hurts like hell. Reminds me of the past few years. Fuck.

Mister Perfect

I'm eyeball deep in depression. I know a lot of it has to do with my great idea to get off Prozac. I've been on anti-depressants for 10 years. I was thinking that it is part of the reason why I don't care about anything anymore. I've been emotionless and seeking self gratification without remorse for a long time. I know it's bad but I just don't care. I wanted to get off the Prozac so I can retrieve my conscience. Hell, maybe that's exactly what I've got going on here. I've been off Prozac for a week and a half and I've got all kinds of feelings going on. Fuck, I'm so confused. I should just dive head first into a sidewalk.
Hubby is on vacation this week. I woke up this morning and found him on the couch sleeping. After my normal bathroom routine I walked into the bedroom to find him in bed. Great. Sleep on the couch until I leave and then go to bed. What does that say to you? It says to me that I cried all the way to work. Jerk.

Avoidence

My implosion was inevitable and expected this time of year.

That said I’ve been avoiding addressing this subject on here just because it is an admission of a problem.

And THAT being said, I shouldn’t be worried about addressing the following subject on here because hardly anyone reads this. Those who do read it either know me and accept me for who I really am or only know of me through these entries.

Yet another Friday of drinking too heavily and forgetting hours at a time has occurred. I do remember passing out in the back in my carry-on bag, as is my custom. I remember missing a set on stage and asking one of the girls to cover for me. I don’t remember (even today) that a few of my friends came in to see me. I only know they did because one of them emailed me asking why I disappeared. I don’t remember some things I did that one of the dancers (Tasha) told me about the next day. Like loosing my panties… that were on my head. It was a joke I’m sure because she was still laughing about it on Saturday and that is totally something I would do.

The problem is this… I am a menace to myself. My alter ego is really taking over. She is becoming her own person and the only way she can get out is through the alcohol. Candy is REAL. I set a four-drink minimum and I count those drinks by bracelets. I take a drink, I move one bracelet from my left arm to my right. I did this last Saturday and it really worked well. I did not do it this Friday, I meant to, but I decided <"insert ridiculous reason here:">not to count the first drink... then I forgot to move the bracelet with the third…. and fourth and then a customer came in wanting to drink Patron shots with me and by then I was putty in Candy’s hands. I drove home… and I shouldn’t have.

Saturday, I asked the girls who I am closest to for help. I asked them that if they notice I have reached my limit to maybe suggest that I not drink anymore. Oh!!! but it seems that Candy is bull headed when it comes to those trying to tell her what to do. And they told me straight up that they really find me entertaining when I drink a lot and that I don’t bother them that much. I told them that they were using me and that they are mutinous! I don’t like loosing time and forgetting what happened. I don’t like driving home intoxicated. I don’t like letting my friends down and missing sets. It’s not like me to do ANY of these things. I am too much of a control freak.

I am counting on my time off to help me get back to me. Perhaps Candy will shrink back and deflate to manageable. I like Candy, she’s fun, she makes my life interesting, I don’t like it when she takes over and the real me doesn’t remember anything.

You know what really tips me off that I have a problem? I have two more weekends of working at the club and I can’t even FATHOM not drinking while I’m there! That is a problem.

Ps. I’ve already received two bottles of tequila for Christmas.

FUCK IT>

I spent last night balled up on the couch crying. I had a sudden wave of dismal depression. I realized I didn’t give a crap about anything. All that I have been fighting for…. I don’t care about. I couldn’t care less if I just stopped trying. The only reason why I don’t just kill myself is because I know that I would leave my husband who loves me so dearly and it would kill him.

I’m frustrated with the Modeling company. It’s a far reaching dream that I’m not even sure is going to come to fruition. I’ve only got that far flung hope that resembles a star in the sky. I don’t even know if I’m really going to like it once I’m there! The goal of a hundred thousand dollar per year income with a modeling business that I just have to oversee and runs itself seems like it’s not even possible. Tired of working. Tired of breathing. Tired of living.

I couldn’t care less about this job. No really. Great changes are happening. They shifted my manager to one that makes sense so the bitch that I once reported to is no longer my manager. This should open up lots of potential. Meaning that the stuff I do every day may actually count for something. And the reviews I get every year will actually be legitimate. And do I dare to care? Should I dust off that old (Care) button that I once used? No. I’ll keep that (Fuck it) button near by. Why should I put forth effort? So they can give me more work, more responsibility, more hours. Hell no.

I still like dancing on the weekends. I’m just too tired to actually give it all my effort anymore. If it wasn’t for my friends it wouldn’t be enjoyable at all. That’s why I’m taking time off. I’m loosing focus and it’s making me exhausted.

Hubby is in need of more attention and is getting perturbed if I text message my friends too much. But I’ll be damned if I am sitting next to him on the couch he’s not paying attention to me anyway. May as well talk to my friends while I’m sitting there with him.

This will be the third week I have cancelled on Kitty. I’m just so damn tired and depressed I’m having a hard time leaving the house. I hope she doesn’t get mad at me. Specially since I can’t just quit life, I need her.

Tired of working. Tired of breathing. Tired of living. I’m sure this is temporary. My Prozac can only do so much when I’m working on this schedule.

oh boy

I started this weekend off with full intentions of not drinking so much. I failed miserably. I don’t remember half of Saturday night. I’m scared I may have pissed off several dancers and I am now ranked with the drunken dancer status. Fuck.
I had to call hubby to drive me home and the drive home was interesting. I was naked in the car before we left the parking lot. He wasn’t complaining.Jim let me listen to a message I left him on Saturday night about needing a ride home. It was quite interesting listening to my drunken self. I truly, honestly need to stop!

thoughts on pixels

Thinking about how I have so much to write but not the motivation to actually type it out and make it readable.

Friday night was very slow at the club. Girls were talking about quitting or moving to another club. I haven’t thought about quitting yet. In fact I’m still worried about getting fired!

A funny thing happened while I was in the Skycage. A tall skinny man with shaggy dark hair came up to the cage and was staring at my shoes in crazy eyed wonder. I could tell by the way he cocked his head sideways that there was something not right about this one. I quickly caught on and started flaunting my shoes on the bars of the cage and showing them to him. I stamped hard on the metal floor to make it ring out. His eyes opened very wide and his jaw dropped. He said just loud enough for me to hear that he had a shoe fetish. I thought to myself “O’boy! Play Toy!!” When my time was up I pointed at a chair and told him cruelly to sit and wait for me. He shook his head a few times and said “Yes Ma’am”. (Tehehee!)

I walked back to the customer I was sitting with before I got in the Skycage and carried on my conversation. Glancing out of my right eye to make sure shoe boy was still there. And he was!! After about 20 minutes it was time for me to go on stage so I dismissed myself from my customer and I walked up to shoe boy and told him that he was good for waiting for me and that he should stay there while I went on stage.

I walked out on stage and he looked up at me happily. I motioned to him that he shouldn’t look at me and he averted his gaze and looked at his lap! (This is going to my head at this point.) After a bit, I called him over and did a little dance for him while I still had on my panties, showing off my shoes, made him tip me and told him to go back to his seat. “Yes ma’am” he said. (Oh Fuck this is fun.) He sat back down and looked at his lap again. Before the last song ended I called to him and told him to look at my shoes. I waited for about 20 seconds and I told him “that’s enough” and he obeyed. (CaRaziness!!)

After I got off the stage I went to talk to shoe boy and found out that he’d been coming to strip clubs for a long time looking for a Mistress. He asked me for a private room and I told him NO! That he was pathetic and he didn’t deserve that. Umm he ate that shit up. I actually felt bad for degrading him but he loved it! Like a three year old with a cookie.

A number of the dancers know him. Poison told me he’s been coming in for a while. He loves to worship shoes. Poor guy, if he had more money it would be more fun. But I can tell he doesn’t. His hands are grease stained and his clothes are tattered. He said he works hard to support his daughter who’s going to college and his 80 year old mother.
Oh well. I just can’t bring myself to torture a poor man. I’d rather bring down a rich man who had a shoe fetish than tell a pathetic man that he is pathetic.

Saturday night was very busy and I was enjoying myself just hanging out with random customers. I was walking out of the dressing room when Casey approached me pointing out a few customers at the bar. He told me they are millionaire friends of his and asked me to go visit. I said “I am ON IT!” I was surprised because I thought the next conversation that Casey and I would have would involve firing me, not sending me after his best customers. I was very happy about that and I did a very good job of getting them drunk on the elixir of Patron and sending them on their happy way with a few extra hundred dollars in my garter.

Sunday was spent on the couch recovering. I was so sore and tired! I woke up AGAIN with a blood spot in my eye. The last one happened on the weekend of Halloween. It can be caused by a lot of reasons including any kind of strain caused by having my head below heart level. Um that cuts out half of my dance moves! It can be cause by excess alcohol… yep guilty. Back pain puts a strain on your eyes and I have lots of that, pregnancy can cause it and I took yet another test last night because I still haven’t started my period (I spotted tho). I found all this out by going to the Optometrist yesterday. He prescribed an eye drop steroid and some regular lubricating eye drops. He told me my eyes were under strain and I had to get the broken blood vessel to heal or it will keep bleeding out. AHHH! I have a modeling thing to do on Sunday! This thing had better clear up AND I better not get another this weekend while I’m working!

Picked up a TINS unit from my chiropractor yesterday. He managed to have my insurance cover the whole thing! Now I can use it at home. And YES… I’ve already used it on my abs.

Got a text from Casey at 3:30 a.m. asking me to work Thanksgiving. I had already planned on it. I had actually planned on asking him to work but I didn’t want to bother him until Friday. I wanted to stay under the radar until the weekend.

Anyway, can’t wait to go home. Hubby has a plan with some baby oil and me naked… oh boy!

dear sugar daddy...

Gearing up for another work-a-thon. Christ if I work anymore I’m going to fuckin croak. I need a damn sugar daddy.
End of Story.
And…no period yet.

What UP?

I think I need to get back on that quantum physics kick. Focus... Focus.... FOCUS!!!
I am currently regretting working that Thursday at the club. I know you're asking why... and it's a good thing... cause I'm gonna tell ya. Casey would like me to work this Thursday too. There's another feature... As in porn star. yay. I'm excited to watch this one crawl around on the stage cause she's so wasted she can't walk. Imagine my delight.
Having been forewarned enough I told the boss here that i have a Dr. Appointment in the morning so at least I'll be sleeping till 9 a.m. on Friday.
I won't be taking that weekend off that I planned. Just decided it wasn't a good idea. Sometimes you just have to go with your instincts.

I am unhappy to report that I am currently late on my period. I took a prego test and it was negative. I'll take another on Friday if I have not started the blood cycle yet. Gah, can being a woman be any easier???

Great news on my modeling business!! I have convinced one of my clients to go to the DC Auto Show and they're bringing us along!!! I'm excited to actually have sold them on doing this event and that we are going to get some great exposure while we're there!

This past weekend went well. Friday night I drank two glasses of wine. I wanted to be able to focus on making more money. I was able to focus, unfortunately there were hardly any customers to focus upon! I kinda regretted choosing that evening to drink lightly. But just maybe if I had drank heavier I wouldn't have made as much money as I did. Saturday night I switched to Patron but only a little! It was a profitable night and I think I will continue that trend. I was so worried about getting fired this past Saturday though. Rumors were going around that me and one of the other dancers were going to get fired if we couldn't pick up another day at the club. It didn't come to fruition, Casey never talked to us about it. Maybe the harbinger was lying or maybe Casey is waiting to pounce.

HOLY COWs

I'm NOT freaking out because I have to work Thursday night at the club!! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!! ok I am, I really, really am. I can't imagine staying up for 45 hours with only 3 hours of sleep in between. FUCK! ok let me xplane.
Casey is having a feature come in (porn star) and he always likes for extra girls to work. For two and a half years I have managed to wiggle my way out of working these nights because of my job. I tell him I'm travelling or something. He usually demands us to come in the day before or a few days before. Well... he's figured out that I need some notice so he doesn't catch me mid "business trip". So he asked me last week. FUCK. I asked if I could leave early that night. NOPE. Something about pulling my weight and blah blah blah only working weekends blah blah. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
So now, I've got to work at the office then straight to the club then home for 3 hours of sleep then back to the office and then straight back to the club. I'm coming up with a plan... a get a little more sleep plan. It's going to include faking sick tomorrow afternoon so I have to go to the Doctor Friday morning.... heh. Oh and I have to bring in my "airline" ticket from the last time I missed a special feature Thursday. Sonofabitch. At least I can come up with an e-ticket.

On other matters. I spent my weekend at the track with my special friends from NASA. Love those guys. I took my car out on track on Saturday at full speed. SCAREd the poop out of me! Wow! I will do it again, but I'm not sure I want to take my car out again. My brakes are squeeking now cause I burnt them off. Crazyness.
I worked on Saturday night and I got to drunk to drive so I my friend take me home. I drank no more than usual, it was just that I was dehydrated I think. I had fun anyway. Then back to the track on Sunday. The instructor is now determined to get me hooked. He took me out in his car and showed me what he was trying to show me the day before. Still crazy. I thought I was a good driver, but I discovered my technique is way off. Not like I need all that much skill to navigate the streets but I have always loved to drive fast so now I'm just going to take it to a different level.
Ok, I'm done for now.
Catch you later!

Currently out

I'm currently out of my mind. Please leave a message.

Priceless

Parents Beach house in the Outer Banks of North Carolina: $0.00

Long weekend hangin on the beach with a fun teenager: $100.00

Launching full speed out of a toll booth: $2,002.

Weekend at the beach: well... almost priceless.



On our way down to the beach my transmission had a dilemma.... too much tork took out the first two gears. I didn't let that stop us. I drove the rest of the way there and all the way back with third through fifth gears. We really did have a great time, but now I'm paying for showng off.... ick. I won't have a car for two weeks,while we get the transmission replaced. Seems that Subaru had a problem with weak gears in the 2002 model. I am now having a transmission built with 2005 gears. I really hope they can stand up to my clutch. I really do not plan on drag racing any more.