buuurp

well um... this weekend was a disaster. I think someone put something in my drink... or champagne and tequila don't mix.. either way... I ended up in my god-damned suitcase again. I fuckin hate myself for getting into that situation. That was on top of a strange text I got from a guy that I don't even know. It was from a dude that I turned in to the manager for trying to sell me pills. He was angry at me and I made sure to tell him he can take it up with Casey if he had a problem. The conversation ended with him telling me to be careful. I hate it when junkie gangsters try to tell me to be careful. That isn't a warm wish ya know? Well I kinda freaked out about that so I had hubby drive me to work and back. Good thing...since I was drugged. I wonder if the bouncer who ratted me out to that "jungster" had anything to do with it? I noticed he was extra sketchy on Saturday night when I told one of the other bouncers what had happened to me. Dude got up and walked away from his post while I explained that I didn't drink that much and I thought I had been drugged. I also saw him eyeing where I put my drink on Saturday too. When I saw that he was watching me, I didn't drink from that one anymore. I was too sick to my stomach and sick of myself to drink alcohol on Saturday anyway. I can't believe I've let myself get so out of control. I'm such a control freak. I think it's cause I feel safe there. How weird is that?
Well, I'm back on the prozac full time and all my emotions and thoughts are muted. Yeah, I'm working a lot but it doesn't really bother me. Yeah I wish I didn't have to but it doesn't piss me off. Yes. I'd much rather have my man take care of me so I could pursue my modeling business, but there's not much I can do about that. He's not motivated to move up so I'll be clawing my way to my goals as usual. Not like it's a new thing anyway.
I have been feeling a lot better about myself. He really figured it out that I want him to think I'm beautiful and tell me so. I love that look in his eyes when he gives me compliments. It's a very big turn around for him and I like it.
So I've gone from depressed and crying all the time to good and tired all the time. I'm sure it'll get better, it has to.
Yay me.