3/26/10 On the beach under the piney shade

My mind is on the wrestler as I struggle through reading about the Buddha's teachings. I believe we attract those most like ourselves. In some shape or form, the wrestler was pure evil. Nothing but lies and deceit. I could have come across worse men, yes. But this man... this man was a methodical liar. I often wonder how many women he used in the same way. How long and how many times it took him to get his art down to such a science. He was only able to keep up with his lies so long. But he had a grip on me that was well practiced. I really don't think I was that bad of a person that I attracted the devil himself. But he was sent to me for a reason. The reason is this: He built up my confidence and while his reasons for building me up and forcing me out were for his own use - he made me realized that I could have so much more out of life. I could have a chance to be happy. I could look outside my distorted box and see there was happiness to be had. He forced me to look around and not accept my existence as it was. He made me feel worthy of more. He gave me confidence to stand up and say - "I will not live this way any longer!" -

In my typical and supportive way I tried to show him I cared by providing for him as much as I could. He - in turn - would make me feel special and "loved". What I thought was love - His lies eventually caught up with him and his Shit Palace crumbled beneath him and left me alone. Husband-less, family-less, friend-less (except for my next parasite) alone.

---After Dinner---
I'm stuffed and exhausted from walking for two hours up the beach and back with Tamara. I needed it after writing those letters. I felt a big empty spot like a cyst removed.

I wanted to mention the way we have to dress here. Shoulders and knees covered. It's not strict and doesn't apply to the beach but it's just the way things are here. I finally have a place where my long skirts and shawls actually have a reason to be worn. Quite a difference from six inch platform heels and glitter!

I feel like I've leveled off on my progress. It may be because I skipped yoga this evening or just maybe it doesn't get any better than this!