3/25/10 on a picnic table 50 feet from the ocean, Listening to acoustic drum & guitar players sing

“Truth is found in silence and stillness rather than activity.” TYS Buddhism page 26

“From a Buddhist point of view, this does not mean that we are changed into other beings, gods or angels; rather, we have realized our true nature, our complete potential. In this respect, the Buddha becomes a unique historical figure, because his achievement is to present a spiritual goal achievable without the aide of a God. This is not to say that Buddha or Buddhists are necessarily antagonistic towards theistic belief, but that is not seen as either skillful or helpful to look at a God to solve the riddle of human existence” TYS Buddhism page 27

Reference page 25 –

The musicians are packing up from practice. They are putting on a show for us tonight. Like they have for the last few nights. Although I decided to retire early and not listen.

Last night’s Satsang meditation went a lot easier. I took some Advil before I went so it wasn’t so painful to sit so long. We sit cross legged on flat square pillows facing the deities in the corner of the room. A woman’s voice comes over the speaker and gently instructs us how to push the thoughts from our minds and concentrate on our mantras if we have one. I have chosen one that was given to me by Bryan –Om Mani Padme Hum – It is a prayer for protection and peace. Although it is supposed to be the most important prayer uttered by sentient beings, they do not say it here. The mantra is inscribed on a bracelet he gave to me among other fabulous Buddhism items before I left. We looked up the meaning together in a book about Buddhist icon meanings.

I was able to settle and meditate for a short while last evening. I stayed through the sing-song prayers and then rolled out after the musicians began. They provided sheets of words to the songs they were to sing. I left as the first one concluded. Four Sanskrit words repeated in a country song tune for ten minutes was a enough to handle.

Tamara and I stayed up and talked and she gave me advice that lots of others have said to me before. Let someone work and give to you for once. Seems one sided to me, but I suppose human has it’s nature and I will enjoy what is given to me instead of pushing for someone to like me. –Be U- Marci would say. I don’t know who me is. I will find out before I leave this place.


AFTER Temple
I read a few lines and I’m inclined to write – so I do. The book says that when Buddha first taught his disciples after he was enlightened they were in awe of his demeanor and presentation. That is one thing that I have taken for granted here. Something you rarely find in the “real world”. The look, presentation, presence of those who are on the path to inner peace. It’s so rare but it’s everywhere here. It is that peace I seek in every day life. In my lover, in my friends. If it is not there, I’ll hold onto mine I suppose.

With the help of my kind hearted room-mate, I work through each stage of heartache and find that I have come to terms with many things in these few days I am here. I want to write my x-husband a letter and thank him for letting me go. I want to write Mikey a letter and tell him I forgive him and let him know he helped me on my way to find my happiness. The Universe put him there at the right place and time. It is very obvious why he was placed in my life. I needed to detox from the club. To learn how to give up my “inner bitch” and give my all. I learned a lot about myself in those 8 months. He taught me how to stand on my own even when I didn’t think it was possible. He gave me a lot even though we didn’t know it at the time. I have a feeling I gave him a few things too.

Temple was fun tonight. We only meditated for 15 minutes, said prayers and then had a great sing along with a Gospel singer – Ken Whitely. I’m glad I stayed around for this entertainment.

I’ve come back to our room to a text message from Bryan. “Not a minute goes by that I don’t think of you, Missing you, I Love you”

I never would have or even could have imagined life could be this sweet.

Thank you Universe!