Lucky You

Lucky you.... to be able to peer out from the great wall you've built around yourself to see a beautiful sunshiney world full of the people that love you cheering you on and coaxing you out with their hearts on their sleeve.

Lucky you... to be able to embrace a warm bright future made up of the people that have loved you all along and be able to quickly walk away from that cold dark place you left behind. Not looking back. Shaking off the cobwebs and cold chill so feverishly.. like a dog fresh out of a bath. .. All Sunshine and heartsong looking forward... compared to that cramped, cold, dark place you leave in your midst.

Lucky me.. to be stuck in the world you left behind. To be dragged with you whilst scratching at the earth left in my dark cell... for that is where the pieces of my heart<3 are left.. scattered. Cut off from you, cut off from the world.

No.. I can't go with you, not yet. Not till I find all the pieces that you've scattered in this dark dingy cell you've lived in for so long. How did I end up here anyway?

So happy.. that you found a new way of life. That you've tossed away your old ways. Like day old panties... No more lying for you! You've finally learned your ways didn't work! Your about-face ... my heart <3 as your pivot point... has left my heart<3 squished under tread.

No.. I can't follow you on your joy trip. I can't leave without what is rightfully mine to fit together, lovingly and let it mend with time. This time I do it right. For me. You can't take that from me!

No.. I can't find another way around trusting you. I did that once, wholeHEART<3dly and you spat on it because you were too afraid to loose the love that was offered to you. These excuses I don't understand..

I'm so happy for you that you get to enjoy your freedom out in the sun. Please.. go without me. I'd rather enjoy my shade while my heart<3 mends than to leave it behind and live without it forever.

If you must... wait for me.. but don't do it to be a martyr. I need not your sorrow. I need not your patience nor your new-found virtue. Leave me in peace.

I'll catch up.. in a lifetime or two. I think I'll enjoy the meandering stroll I'll take when I'm ready.

Leave me in peace..