Once again I undergo another transformation.
Long story short. I asked Mikey to marry me hoping he would actually open up to me and love me the way I was trying to love him. He was cold and hard and undoubtedly the hardest person to live with I’ve ever known. Two and a half weeks ago I confirmed my intuition that he was cheating on me. I looked through his computer and email while he was a way with the National Guard assisting the State Police during the worst blizzard in over 10 years. Three days after that I moved out… right as another blizzard was arriving.
I learn from this that I really need to focus on me. Even though my Mother engrained in my head from a young child that I would be nothing without a man.
For once in my life I don’t want to rely on anyone else. I don’t want to have anyone in my life. I actually want to be with me, explore me and finally figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin. I’m not doing this in order to find a mate. I’m doing this because I am prepared to live by myself for the rest of my life. Happily, healthily and honestly.
I’m about to move into an apartment on a 70 acre horse ranch. I’m beginning to study Buddhism. And I’ve booked a trip to the Bahamas.. By – My – Self. I’m going there for a week to study meditation, yoga and find the way to my soul through The Buddha’s teachings.
I’m finally ready to let go.... and now I have to change my heading once more!
1 comment:
You so don't need a man to make you complete (no, I'm not a man hater). I have a feeling we're similar in many ways...I've been in self-imposed "time-out" for almost 5 years because my judgment sucks when it comes to men. Letting go and accepting our limitations is not a bad thing. We just need to strive for inner happiness...sometimes that journey will take us in many directions. Right now, mine is dealing with depression. You'll love the Bahamas!
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