Swine of the times.

It’s been forever since I posted. Over-all I’m doing so much better than I ever have been!

I am still living with my friend Rachel and her daughter. We’re happy together for the most part. She’s struggling to make the bills but with my three jobs we’re still living comfortably.
She’s a great home-maker and I can always be assured to come home to a clean and tidy house and great food on the table. I really love that!

I’ve been through some really rough periods these last few months including loneliness and feelings of being worthless and used. But even though I’ve felt those things.. it has still been better than when I lived with him.

I feel like I am finally self-aware. I am striving each day to make sure I keep my life free of lies and deceit. Not just from others but from myself. Every day I want to make sure I do the right thing. It makes me feel empowered and strong. I only seek out and accept honest and forthright friends. I refuse to harbor secrets or ignore things that bother me. I feel empowered because of the way I live right now.

The reasons behind the above paragraph are because some people that I have met along my journey to now and even more so my soon-to-be X husband. I am still learning of all the things that he has done as we get closer to the six month separation period. Our mutual friends are slowly coming out and telling me things that they should have told me a long time ago. I know they didn’t want to become involved in a failed marriage. All the things they tell me are just pieces I add to the puzzle and explain so much. I feel extremely disappointed and disgusted with the facts that come my way. And every detail gives me affirmation that I did the right thing. The second individual that made me become more self aware and taught me so many lessons in such a short period of time was The Wrestler. More about him later… and there’s so much about him to write. And then… there’s the ones after him… and the one now.

Today, I am happy. Even with the information that keeps coming to me about my soon-to-be x-husband I can honestly say I’m happy. I’ve been happy for a few weeks now. It’s a strange concept for me to maintain for so long and each day I worry I will crash. But each day I wake up with a smile. I wish I could say that the reason for my happiness comes from within, and maybe that’s slightly true.. but I found someone that makes me smile and he really seems like a nice guy. I’m still waiting for the bad side to come out only because I’ve learned to expect that from all men… but till then I’ll enjoy what time I have with him.

I have a lot more to type but I’ll have plenty of time to do that later. Glad to be back.