Full Circle...

May as well start here and now and work my way around the past few months it all comes full circle anyway…..

Today, the rains have made us realize that the sump pump doesn't work right. It only works if you touch it. I had to leave early yesterday because part of the carpet got soaked in the basement. I had to meet the property manager so they could help with the carpet and the sump pump. Bad thing is that I used that excuse on Monday not even knowing that the sump pump wasn't working. I just thought it was a brilliant excuse to get out of the office and visit my -not- Boyfriend before he goes away for 3 weeks.

I've been trying to sit down and talk to my room mate about finances but we haven't had a minute to do so since we moved in together. I’ve been in and out of the house like a flash in between jobs and social life. We're finally working it out over text messaging! I've been holding in that stress since we moved in. I don't think she realized how much she was not contributing. Because she's floored right now at how much she owes in back rent. It's a lot but she's working really hard to get her poop together. We've worked out that she's paying about $550/ a month for everything not including food. I figure that she keeps the house clean and cooks and stuff. I really need that. This'll give her a little more kick in the Ass to keep on going. I'm always trying to motivate her and tell her kindly that she's doing a great job and making great strides and to "just keep swimming" and now she's working 5 days a week at her new restaurant. So I think it's going ok for now. ….
She got pulled over for a break light being out about a month ago. She got a ticket because she didn't have a driver's license. She went to court Monday with her newly reinstated driver’s license and they gave her a court date to see how long her jail sentence is going to be because this will be the third or fourth time loosing her license. This is what's prompted me to get on the ball with her owing me money and finding another roommate. I had a talk with her when she told me. I told her that all of that stuff happened in the past and we're dealing with the consequences now. She’s with me to get her life straightened out and that is what she is doing and she’s doing a good job so far. I told her that I need her to make a conscience effort with every decision she makes to make sure it is a good decision. That every thing she does affects not only her but Alana, Jesse and ME. Don't drive her car at all because it is illegal. And make every day a good one. She said she felt bad about driving my Del Sol and I said yeah.. I do to but you have to look at things in the long run. If you get pulled over in a car that's not legal then you're going to get yourself in to more trouble. Think about the consequences. I need you to do this because it affects all of us now. And none of this "bad luck" shyte... it's the decisions you make that get you in to trouble. Bad luck didn't make you drive an illegal car without a license while DRINKING!!
So now she's on notice. Shoulda done this a long time ago but I find that my state of mind is better than ever. It makes me feel better now that I talked to her about these things because 1. she now knows what my expectations are and 2. if she screws up again.. it won't be a big surprise when I flip out on her. I consider this fair warning. ... cause my patience is wearing thin with her f’ ups.
Also, today I found out that my best friend I had while I was married that just disappeared after I left my husband knew he was cheating on me. She knew how miserable I was and that information could have set me free a long time ago. Now it’s in my hands to tell her that I have information that her fiancé is cheating on her. I don’t know how to tell her. I find these games tire-some. The person that knows about it that lives with her should tell her. He harbors the information. What kind of friend would put up with that? SAY SOMETHING!!! God I’m stuck. Even though she didn’t tell me I still want to tell her. I’ll be damned if I knew someone was cheating on my roommate that I would keep quiet. They have been friends for years!! I want to text her these words: "Your man is cheating on you, thought you would like to know.. cuz that's what friends do"

But on a more enlightening note….

An email entry between me and my good friend Ashley....

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, May 06, 2009 2:42 PM
To: Ashley
Subject: RE:

You know what Ash? We've been through so much together. I really wouldn't have been able to do what I've done without you. You call me strong.. you are part of my strength. I just realized that you and I are on the same path... this is what I wrote in my Blog on April 30th......... "I feel like I am finally self-aware. I am striving each day to make sure I keep my life free of lies and deceit. Not just from others but from myself. Every day I want to make sure I do the right thing. It makes me feel empowered and strong. I only seek out and accept honest and forthright friends. I refuse to harbor secrets or ignore things that bother me. I feel empowered because of the way I live right now."
That's one of the things we were talking about last week too. I love you man!!!!!

From: Ashley
Sent: Wednesday, May 06, 2009 2:52 PM
To: Me
Subject: RE:

LOL... yes, we have been through a lot together. Your friendship means so much to me. I think we get strength from each other a lot more than we can even imagine. When I'm down you're there to pick me up, brush my knees off, wipe my tears and tell me everything will be okay. I hope I'm the same with you. I completely agree with your blog. I'm trying to accomplish those same things... and you know what? I'm really a lot happier with life and myself. Don't get me wrong I have my moments and issues, but I don't let them manifest like I use to. I don't even have it in me to argue or fight with people that aren't worth it anymore... If I know they aren't going to impact my life I have no reason to even show them even a slight reaction. I've learned that from you mostly! I used to sit back and wonder how in the world you kept your mouth shut and smiled in their face when you knew they were being deceitful. That's some real strength!!! Leaving your retarded husband of 10 years, that's strength! I could go on, but you live your life so I'm sure you know the others I could ramble off.

I love you too love!
................................

I'm burying myself in work. My not-boyfriend is away and I want to keep focused so I don't miss him. (not-boyfriend= the man who tells me he doesn't want to commit but calls and texts me 100 times a day saying he misses me and wants to hold me) = men suck.