On the Daily

I'm not on the sunshine high that I was a while ago. I'm not on that low road either. I'm kinda doing the daily living thing. I find that I really crave my alone time and enjoy coming home to my nightly routine of cleaning, eating, showering and art.

It seems menial but I could get used to it. Then I have to factor in my friends and my boyfriend. I know it's wrong and I should be reaching out to friends but sometimes it's just so hard to switch gears. It only makes me sad when it's time to leave them. Only after my visits do I feel lonely and insignificant sitting in my little apartment. I dread Sunday evenings. I have to work hard to make the sad feelings go away. I can barely bring myself to meditate to feel better. I always feel better by Monday morning and relish in my week of alone time once again. Is it weird to think that the weeks don't last long enough? I love the routine, only because I feel balanced and focused. Weekends come and I get off balance, feel lethargic and sick. I try to really focus on what the differences are other than ...well... everything. Sleep routine, alcohol, food and activities are all different and they all make a difference. So I guess I need to figure out how to maintain that routine without loosing my youth!


Another thing, I can't imagine getting into a living relationship with a man right now.. seriously.. who signs up to be a maid on purpose!!?? "Oh hunny, I love you so much that I want to wash your dirty boxers and pick up your socks for the rest of my life... "  I can't imagine what I was thinking when I invited a man to live with me in the first place.
And... on that note.. someone could have told me that you only get second chances on things that don't matter... woulda been helpful.. ya know..