Saturday 3/27/10 After Whirling Workshop

Whirling - I hoped to make a whirly craft that whirls itself in the breeze like a windsock. Maybe learn how to whirl a rope around like the hippies do at music festivals with glowsticks on the end.
Whirling is a Persian form of becoming centered in the universe by letting go.
The musician used his drum like instrument called a Daf and informed us how to hurl our bodies around in circles. Left arm up, palm facing the sky, right arm down, palm facing the earth. We turned counter clockwise (towards the heart). The music was joyous and even though it is not supposed to be dancing it makes my hips swirl and my body move to the beat. He explained in the beginning of the workshop that the soul wants to escape back to God so the movement we experience while dancing to music is the soul writhing to be released from the body.
I can't explain why I feel so sad and heart hurt. I know I felt a lot of the hurt of stripping being released while we stood in the circle letting each person take their turn to whirl to the beautiful Persian music. I have hurt inside and I'm not sure why. And now I must attend the Addiction Workshop. It will be hard for me. I want to run to the ocean and enjoy my solitude that I've cherished so much while I'm here.

----------After Workshop #2 ----------- 3:42 p.m.
I'm feeling unbalanced and I want to go home, my energy is perturbed. I hope the yoga at 4 p.m. helps. I just ate some tuna and chocolate covered coffee beans. Hope that helps too. Trying to keep myself balanced is a challenge. The meat and caffeine are like the life I didn't want to give up. It's what I know and I turn to it for comfort. I wonder if life would be that much different without them.

I feel in that workshop that the message was good. I finally get that this is not Buddhism, it's yoga - a religion/ lifestyle almost same principle. In fact Buddha studied yoga before he went his own way to sit under a tree by himself to achieve enlightenment. I have no push or draw to achieve enlightenment in this lifetime. If it comes to me, I probably won't recognise it. Because it seems I'm learning things I already knew but forgot a lot lately.

*A note about the state of mind I've been living in while here. Every step I take is taken for a reason. My actions are for a reason but not for self control but to draw me to the place, time or being at that certain moment. I wonder if this will continue when I go back to the real world.
I am teaching myself to slow down and make my steps precise and light and it feels good.

----Notes from the workshop - Working through Addiction through Yoga---
www.yogaofrecovery.com

- yoga ayuvada 12 steps -
Addiction is a spiritual Malady - yoga lifestyle can offer a spiritual fix

The first step is to admit we are powerless

Ayurvada - Is the knowledge of life system of healing.

Dis-ease is forgetting our true nature as spirit.

We all have a spiritual body that is grounded by human conditions.

Yoga Recovery has 6 truths for the Root addiction:

1 Life is longing - Senses pull out like wild horses pulling
The fix is:
Karma - Service
Bhakti - A relationship with God
Raja - Path to preparation for meditation
Jnana - Path to wisdom ie.. teachers, mentors....

2. Life is prana (energy) - food, water, air...
Prana derangement - too low - needs stimulation
too high - needs sedation
blocked - needs pain
stress - can lead to self gratification
Retrieve energy from good things instead of bad things balancing breathing (pranayama), yoga (asanas), diet, nature, sights (beautiful flowers make you smile), feeling (soft sand, blankets, warmth) , sounds (music, waves..).

3. Life is a relationship - Mother or other figure
All is one
Ego is Alone
Remedy - Satsang company of wise, 12 step fellowship. Groups help with recovery!

4. Life is sweet. We are supported by mother nature.
Sense Therapy - Find another way to sweeten the life. Check the energy, pray and help others.

5. Life is love - flow with life
Anger is the expectation/desire unfulfilled

6. Life is progress - We are born with Karmic debt we are all born with purpose.

The message from this workshop is that people with addictions have a Malady in their spiritual make-up. We would turn to addictive behaviour to try to bandage the problem (Buddha would say drinking salt water to quench the thirst) . And that makes things worse. We are too recognize our Malady and try to find healthy ways of dealing with it. Like practicing yoga, breathing and balancing our prana (energy) through natural and healthy ways and through groups for support.
And I think that this is a good way to address the addiction. However, I think it takes a lot of this practice to fill the need (void) that the addict has. I know I have a sex and love addiction, I'm also co-dependant. So how does seeking groups help me? I'm more likely to act out or get attached to these like minded individuals like I have in the past.