Final Journey Entry

I didn't write down my final day of my journey. I was so interested in leaving that day and I wanted to leave my journal with the great message I had received on my final night there. What a great conclusion to actually have received a definition of myself. I think about it a lot now, when I feel alone and down. It gives me strength and helps me focus. And yes, I put my fist where my heart is and it really helps.

On our final day Tamara had an earlier flight than I did. It was overcast when I saw her off at the dock at 7 a.m. We hugged goodbye and she left in a flurry... So happy to be leaving and looking forward to seeing her boyfriend and getting back to life. The last few days were hard for her. She wasn't ever able to fully recover from the Whirling Workshop.

I was supposed to leave at noon, but I couldn't stand the feeling in my room after she left. I had bad dreams before I woke and the feeling just stayed with me. So I decided to act on my instinct and try to catch an earlier flight home. I did manage to catch an earlier flight home, only to sit on the tarmac for an hour because the server went down in Miami and the US wouldn't clear our flight plan into the country. I just took this as it was meant to be and didn't worry. I arrived at my destination a little later than originally scheduled because my connecting flight was delayed because of weather.

After landing and retrieving my car, I went straight to see Bryan. And it was the best "welcome home" I've ever received and I'll never forget it. Sweet, gentle and loving kisses and hugs.

Now ~
It's been almost a month since my trip and I try to retain the peace and fulfilment I found while there. I try to bring back that feeling all the time. Writing my journal entries has solidified and helped me refocus what I found and learned. I'm reading and studying Buddhism as much as time allows. I'm trying to speak peacefully and surround myself with good people so I don't feel like I have to defend myself and become hardened. I'm trying to eat healthy, because I really noticed a difference when I started eating regular processed foods again. I feel so sluggish and gross when I do. It actually makes me feel depressed. One meal at McDonalds had me down for 24 hours. I have further to go on my life skills but I'm getting there. It's like retraining myself.

I've given a lot of thought to my April/September message. Searched through different skills or trades that I can learn that will benefit me and others as well. Nothing really seemed to catch on. So I decided I would go back to school in the fall for my Bachelors in Business. Whatever comes my way through that will just be what is supposed to be.