chronologically speaking

sometimes while I'm driving down the road I think to myself that I really need to write down the events and thoughts I had during those last few months at the house I rented. They were some very, very enlightening months. I worry that I lost most of what I learned in the mean time. A lot of it I wrote here.. I'm pretty sure I did anyway.
I learned that if I wanted the man of my dreams, I was going to have to change myself first. I wrote that already didn't I? But really, I did need to change. I needed to become true to myself. I came to the realization that, even though I only spent 16 out of the 168 hours in a week as a "stripper" it had consumed my life. It's what I was. I wasn't the Administrative Assistant with a bad side. I was the Stripper that had a full time job on the side. I ate, thought, puked, dreamed, drank, ate and breathed... Stripper. At one time I thought that the lifestyle was just a thing you did. A workplace that was glamorous. But the more I wove my way in, the more I let it envelope me. When I left my husband and I had no one to hold me back from the radical life that was laid out before me. I didn't delve as deep as I could of. Hell, I only scratched the surface and I think I'm fortunate enough to have been able to keep my mind on my priorities. I've come to realize it was not just a job. It is a state of mind. More than that, actually.. It's a state of "not". An escape from real life into a world all of it's own.