Prozac Coma

Am I waking up from the Prozac coma that I’ve been in for so long? Have I finally opened my eyes and realized that the Prozac has kept me numb to the surroundings I’m not happy with?

Or have I taken a large leap down a hole only to realize I will never be happy without the aide of medication.

If I change everything that I am not happy with, will that bring me inner peace?

Will leaving this job make me happy? Or will every job be just as disappointing

Will fixing and remodeling my house make me happy? Or will I always find something unsavory about it?

If I require my husband to get a better paying job, quit becoming so obliterated he can’t focus on anything, stop playing video games and apply himself to maintaining the house and cars. If he would open up to me about his life. If he thought I was beautiful, sexy and irresistible and showed me he thought those things would I be happy? If he told me I’m doing a great job and believed in me would I be happy? Yeah, as I type this about my husband I do believe that would make me happy but only if I knew he meant them.

This brings me back to the reason why I cut my dosage of Prozac. I cut it back because I thought I was too numb to see that he really is and does all those things. Why can’t I see it? Why can’t I feel it? He tells me he loves me, he calls me his beautiful baby, but that is the extent of his passion. He doesn’t tell me I look good or smell good or that he wants me or needs me. He doesn't get excited for me. When I do special things for him I get no reaction so I stopped.
He cooks meals and does the laundry. He cleans if I tell him to. He touches me if I tell him to. We go out if I want to. He takes care of me when I’m sick and holds me when I cry (which has been a lot lately). He fixes my car in emergencies. He greets me at the door with a hug and a kiss sometimes. Other times he doesn’t get off the couch. All of this is so very depressing. I'm trying so hard not to take him for granted. I guess over-all I feel like there's something missing. We're too young to be this complacent. I want passion and love and most of all I want to be taken care of and supported - financially, physically and emotionally.