BFF

Some relationships are only meant to last for a short time. Marci contacted me yesterday wanting to work things out. She said she didn’t want to use me as a crutch but simply missed me. Somehow, I don’t believe this. She always has a way of saying what she thinks I want to hear. Her husband must not be around for some reason or another and she’s lonely.
What happened to us that I turned my back on her? I realized that when she couldn’t wait for me to get over my father’s death so we could focus on her wedding - our relationship wasn’t exactly what I needed.
I’m a giver… no scratch that…. I was a giver until my Dad died, and then I had to focus on myself for a while. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m getting back to my old self and soon I will be able to label myself a giver again.
Anyway, when I asked for some time for myself she wouldn’t give it. Then she ended up so pissed at me because I needed time for myself that she told me I wasn’t invited to her wedding. She, of course, took back the statement but the straw had been placed and I couldn’t take anymore.
I sat back and analyzed our relationship in its entirety. I realized that I had been her crutch the whole time. I did not mind at the time, I had something to offer and she needed it. I helped her find the courage to go out and get a job, get out of an abusive relationship, gave her a place to stay free of charge. I helped her get back on her feet, to believe in herself and gave her the courage to move out on her own. I’m thinking about what she did for me. She was there for me while my father was in the hospital. I consider us even.
My whole life has been focused on short term relationships, except for my husband. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that the reason I am here is to make a difference in someone’s life. I don’t set out to change the world. I don’t want to. But somehow I attract friends who need a little courage, understanding and a kick in the ass. Whatever it is, I’m glad to have helped and I’m glad that they have helped me. They all teach me a lesson as well. Most of my friends help me by reminding me that compassion will get me farther than being cold hearted.
What’s my point? I guess I’m trying to justify why some friendships don’t last forever. I think the reason behind this one is that when it came time to give instead of receive she couldn't do it. I realized it wasn't really an equal friendship and I didn't need that anymore.