I’ve been slowly straying from the path and I have finally caught myself. It’s so easy to do. I forget that what I have right now is great and I start wanting more and next thing I know I’m obsessing and focusing so intently on something else that I forget to live for now. Specially right now that I’m not feeling my best. I’ve been blessed with the mono, my mind is wearing down.
I feel unfocused, my brain is rattling around and chattering all the time with the things I want and how to get them. Constantly trying to figure out a better way. Banging on the bars hoping to find an easier way.
What do I want that is bothering me so much? I want to lower my car payment so I can save money and I wand to find a place to live with Josh. Both of these things aren’t urgent. Additionally, my mind is on returning to school. I’m worried I won’t be able to afford it. Oh sure… college loans.. what happens when I graduate in FOUR years and I’m over $50k in debt and I still don’t have a better paying job? Heck, I’m worried I won’t be able to afford the added expenses of just “going” now.. books, supplies… I’m on a very strict budget.
But my question to my new found lifestyle is this… how do you get anything done without forethought and planning? We are supposed to always live in this moment. Right here, right now.
And here is my answer…. I wrote the post on how to cure my restless mind. Those worries will be placed in their rightful slot, not running around my head like a two year old on Red Bull. I will learn to meditate on them and then let them go until the next time I meditate. I need to train my brain not to obsess. But I also need to figure out how to be pro-active instead of re-active in my new lifestyle. I need to learn to trust in God. I also need to learn to ask for help. I also need to remember that what it all boils down to is kindness… seriously… what else do you want… in the end?
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5 comments:
Hi Babe, It sounds like you have a lot on your mind but, also have the confidence to work through it.
What type of meditation do you do? I practice in the Shambhala style and find it very helpful. One of my teachers in the Shambhala tradition that I've learned a lot from is Pema Chodron. She's got some great books. I know she would agree that it all boils down to kindness in the end.
Take care,
Bruce
Hey Bruce,
Thanks for visiting! I'm not sure what style it is. I'm so new at all this that I don't know labels. I just sit quietly, concentrate on breathing and clear my mind. If I have a hard time I'll say some om's to settle my energy down. I concentrate on my heart (the love part, not the organ) breathe and try to get to a point where I think of nothing. The result is like taking my brain out and washing all the dirt off of it! I love it! I'll have to look up Pema Chodron. I've got so many books to read!
Kind regards,
Babe
And Bruce... It seems your profile and blog are no public. What a shame...
It is rather hard to trust God, isn't it? Too bad, as it seems most of the Bible is one long "Will you please trust me?"
It's relatively new to me, but, in the end it makes me feel better!
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