stacks of ashes

unbelievably, the Prozac isn't helping. I am still unhappy.

My first weekend back was good. I was happy to see all my friends.... ok at least I was happy to see Poison.

Jynx, who's hair is now the color of mine, has decided to desert her normal stage partners and dance with her old friends from back home.

Although Friday night was slow I was able to actually talk to people again. At least the time off was beneficial for social reasons.

Saturday night was much busier, but starting the night crying because I'm so miserable really doesn't help. I had started the day off with my husband telling me a I need to wear darker makeup doesn't make for a good day. I sent him a picture of myself because he wanted to see what I looked like with all of my makeup on in my new hair color. And I wanted to send him a picture of myself. Instead of telling me I looked good, He started with the critisism....before I event got out of bed.... and then back-peddled once he realized he'd hurt my feelings. After I let that go the day went on fine. As I laid down for a nap, Husband told me he was going to wake me up for a little fun time in the sack before I had to leave. Unfortunately he forgot. Luckily I set my alarm and woke up, took a shower and about 10 minutes before I had to leave he came in from the garage filthy and red eyed. He told me he was very sorry and that we're both guilty of messing up every once in a while. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I disappointed him by not doing something I told him I was going to do because I was preoccupied and FORGOT.

Anyway, about Saturday night. I've never had so many people scatter from the stage when I walked on! It was like cocroaches in flood lights. God damn I must be fucking hideous.

Poison's boyfriend built a new computer for me. I hope it's really fast. I can't wait to use it. But tonight I have an interview with another potential model and then I have to go home and clean. So I won't be able to get to it until Tuesday. I bought a router and KVM switch so I don't have to buy duplicate hardware. I hope it all works out. I really don't want to spend a lot of frustrating time fidgiting with this nonsense.

Another thing... Valentine's Day is coming up. Let's just hope against hope the same thing doesn't happen like last year.