unraveled

I'm fighting an unraveling feeling today. I refuse to let it over-come me. The feeling is unsettlement. I feel like there is something not right in my world and I can't quite place it. I refuse to accept that it is about Kitty leaving the club. The last time she left I got so depressed I was physically ill. I cannot depend upon someone like that. It's not fair to them or me.

This weekend was enjoyable and exhausting as usual. Most of the people I met this weekend were nice... except for the fat ass phone sex operator. Drunk ass bitch. She was sitting at the stage practically taking up two chairs. Who white cottage cheese boobs heaving out of her mumu. I began to dance for her and she says something so that I have to stop dancing, kneel down and ask her to repeat herself. In a drunken wavery fat voice she states that she is a phone sex operator and that I have to do something to impress her. ehh. yeah. I'm up here naked bitch. My presence should impress you. I told her that I'm happy that she is a phone sex operator but I do what I do and that is quite good enough. I danced my little dance and bent down and opened my garter and then she decided she didn't have any money. I told her to ask her fat friend. Her fat friend practically deep throats the dollar bill and wants me to take it out of her fat mouth. umm no. So I sat there through two songs waiting for the fat bitch to find money. Finally, a bouncer tells her to tip or leave. She heaves her fat ass away from the stage and takes her fat disgusting friend with her. Fuckin fat whore. She's so fat that the only way she'll get laid is by long distance. I wrote fat eleven times. heh.
Hope I don't attract that thought! oh hell.. just in case... skinny, thin, wafe, svelt, tiny, ehhh...thin, thin, thin, skinny ehhh, small... wafe like, svelt, small, stick with tits!! Ok that should take care of the universe sending me eh-hem not so thin like features.
I have a plan to go to the gym today... hope that works. Can't wait for tonight, I believe that I could sleep some more. For sure.